funnily,

i thought of this space, almost exactly a year later.

so is my mood.

maybe i tend to feel this way during the last month of the year.


i feel really bad, i dont know what to do to make it right again.
maybe it was never right.

i dont know why i am what i am now.
i dont know if its too bothering.

its pretty much a chaos. my life right now is a chaos.

if i am this rotten, why am i still here?
i dont deserve a life. or is life after death, too good a place for me?

i dont want to be this pessimistic. i dont know why i am this pessimistic.
i know ultimately, nobody will care at all. because they get sick of my nonsense.
but you know, i cant help it.

i have no one to turn to.
i resort to writing, but it seems like its wrong again.
i was merely talking to myself.


i saw a depressed soul today. the scars on her, the look she had on her face.
no, i dont want to be like her.
it's terrifying. it is.

how can i walk out of this alone.
you said you'll be here, will you really be?

or when time ripe, you aall will choose to ditch me again?


who do i probe my questions to?
why am i they way i am.
why i tell myself to change, but it aint changing.

you know thats why i want to get out of here.
i want a new life somewhere, where nobody knows me.
i hope to start afresh.