i have my reasons.

but i shouldnt name it.

i shouldnt.


so many things which i cant do.


no talking, no chatting.
no talking to self, no writing.

its weird isnt it.
im not the only one say certain stuff.
but why are the ending so different. so wrong?



i think i should be born dumb.

funnily,

i thought of this space, almost exactly a year later.

so is my mood.

maybe i tend to feel this way during the last month of the year.


i feel really bad, i dont know what to do to make it right again.
maybe it was never right.

i dont know why i am what i am now.
i dont know if its too bothering.

its pretty much a chaos. my life right now is a chaos.

if i am this rotten, why am i still here?
i dont deserve a life. or is life after death, too good a place for me?

i dont want to be this pessimistic. i dont know why i am this pessimistic.
i know ultimately, nobody will care at all. because they get sick of my nonsense.
but you know, i cant help it.

i have no one to turn to.
i resort to writing, but it seems like its wrong again.
i was merely talking to myself.


i saw a depressed soul today. the scars on her, the look she had on her face.
no, i dont want to be like her.
it's terrifying. it is.

how can i walk out of this alone.
you said you'll be here, will you really be?

or when time ripe, you aall will choose to ditch me again?


who do i probe my questions to?
why am i they way i am.
why i tell myself to change, but it aint changing.

you know thats why i want to get out of here.
i want a new life somewhere, where nobody knows me.
i hope to start afresh.