it's 5.55am rite now. it's not tt i've woke up early, but i hafen slept a wink at all. n i hafen been slpin well since hols.
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i was thinking all the time tt it's time for me to learn to be strong, independent, forgetful so that i cud b forgiving, contented, sensible, sociable, friendly and smart. when i am so, i guess i'l be able to lead a happy life.

i want to b strong inside, not the outside. anything cud hurt mi easily, it's juz tt i dun show it.
i want to b independent, so tt i can do everything alone n not to rely on anyone.
i want to b forgetful, so tt i can forget all e unhappy tings n forget all e ugly tings tt i've heard abt mi in order to forgive.
i want to b contented, so tt i wil not b so greedy to ask for more.
i want to b sensible n so i wil not b stubborn.
i want to b sociable and friendly, so tt i can make more friends n do not haf to worry abt getting into a new environment.
i want to b smart, so tt i wil not disappoint my parents n myself.

i want to b happy, so tt i can slp well everynite, eat well everydae n bring happiness to everyone.
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i want a smaller face so tt no1 wud call mi big face anymore.
i want a smaller head so tt no1 wud call mi big head anymore.
i want a nose wif bone so tt i wil not haf a button nose to b made fun of.
i want a smaller mouth so tt no1 wud call mi big mouth n i wil not spread tings ard.
i want to remove my braces so tt no1 wud make fun of it anymore.
i want to grow taller so tt no1 wud call mi "shortie"anymore.
i want to b flat chested so tt no1 wud make fun of mi anymore.
i want all my acnes n scars to be gone so tt i can feel betta.

oh yes, u tink tt im over sensitive? well, mayb i am.
it's not tt i yearn so much to look good n it's not tt im tt vain. i juz had enough.
it's juz tt i dun wan hear so much ugly comments n i wil not haf to feel so inferior.
to tell u, i hate myself to e core.
u r not mi, u duno wat im going thru so,
i dun nid any1's sympathy, i juz wan to feel betta.
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i want to feel important n not ignored, or at least let mi noe u noe tt i stil exist.
i dun wan to feel dead or i wud rather b dead.
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u may tink tt im mentally ill. yes, i feel so too.